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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought recording a short video now and then would be fun for Beth. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?